The Eight Secrets of Powerful Negotiation by Alexander Hiam

I wanted to share with you these eight secrets of negotiating success that I usually reserve for my own negotiations and workshops with executives.

1) Set a False Ceiling

Negotiate as if it really were your real walk-away point. For example, if you ask $200,000 for a house you are selling, don't tell the realtor you would accept an offer as low as $180,000. Tell the agent that your bottom line is $190,000 to keep the extra $10,000 in reserve in case you need it at the very end of a difficult negotiation to close the deal. It is great to have the ability to come back to the table with one last, slightly larger, concession. You can break a log jam if you want to. And more often than not, you never need to reveal that you were actually not at your limit. You can keep the difference between the false and walk-away secrets and leave it in your bank account. There is also a psychological advantage to setting a false ceiling: Negotiators handle themselves with more confidence and poise, and do significantly better when they feel that they have a safety net.

2) Slow the Negotiation Down

In the U.S. at least, negotiators usually rush through the process. Slow it down by refusing to start negotiating until there has been some exchange of pleasantries and some relationship-building. Also, start your negotiation activities early so you don't feel rushed yourself. And once the negotiation is under way, seek extra time to respond to each other of their offers, even if you know what you are going to say. If you force the other side to slow to your pace, they will feel over-eager to close the deal, and you will have the edge of being in control of the proceedings. Time is usually the most important variable in negotiating. Take control of it!

3) Adjust in Private

It weakens you to have to change your mind or modify your position publicly. You may have to make adjustments as you learn more about the situation and hear what the other party has to say. So the less you say early on, the better. Open with lots of information-gathering questions, and try to get the other side to make the first offer. Then think about it for as long as you can before responding with an offer of your own. Only put your cards on the table when you know enough to be sure of how to play.

4) Ask for Help

Helping others will build trust and empathy, and make them feel happier and more likely to say 'yes.' Look for small, simple ways to engage the other party in helping you. Ask for minor favors, and thank them graciously when they help out. Also seek ways to be helpful and gracious to them. It is amazing how a precedent of helpfulness can improve the tone of a negotiation and help the parties find common ground. Even if you plan to negotiate hard, this precedent will be useful in closing the deal you want. Nobody wants to shake an iron hand. But in the right glove, that same hand can be pleasant to do business with.

5) Take an Interest

Who are they? What do they care about? How are they doing? Even if you don't like the other person, it helps to take an interest in them. Spend some time building your biographical knowledge of them, both before and during the exchange of offers, demands, and concessions. This is more than a nod to good manners. It makes them feel better about working with you and making concessions. And it often prevents anger and conflict escalation, which are the enemies of successful negotiations.

6) Just Say No

Don't be afraid to be assertive, in a polite, clear manner when they go where they should not. There are some things you should not concede. Be clear on these in advance, and say 'no' clearly and consistently when the negotiation intrudes on your must-haves. You need to send a solid signal about those. Do not sugar coat it and do not hesitate to say 'no.' It is a natural part of the give and take of the negotiation dance.

7) Prepare Some "Yes" to Balance Your "No

Whenever you say 'no,' it is helpful to offer a concession in another area. Try to sense what the other side's bottom line issues are, and open with unacceptable positions on them that they are willing to concede later on. These are your bartering chips. You can cash them in when you need to say 'no' to protect your own inviolate needs.

8) Leave Something on the Table

If you get close to your target, take the deal and run. It is rare to close a deal with 100% of what you hoped for, and if you insist on holding out, the other party may walk away. Or they may even resent it and not live up to the terms. Everybody needs to leave the negotiating table with at least a shred of their dignity intact, so do not try to clear the battle field, just win the battle and move on.